Quotes from Mark Twain

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible. –Mark Twain

If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love.

The Doors Open at 7, The trouble begins at 8.

It must be very peaceful, he thought, to lie and slumber and dream forever and ever, with the wind whispering through the trees and caressing the grass and the flowers over the grave, and nothing to bother and grieve about, ever any more.

The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work. - Mark Twain

After supper she got out her book and learned me about Moses and the Bulrushers; and I was in a sweat to find out all about him; but by-and-by she let it out that Moses had been dead a considerable long time; so then I didn't care no more about him; because I don't take no stock in dead people.

I reck'n I knows what I knows.

he got up and moved in clouds and darkness out at one door as she brought song and sunshine in at the other.

Emperors, kings, artisians, peasens, big people---at the bottom we are all alike and all the same; all just alike on the inside, and when our clothes are off, nobody can tell which of us is which.

Expression, expression is the thing - in art. I do not care what it expresses, and I cannot most always sometimes tell, generally, but expression is what I worship, it is what I glory in, with all my impetuous nature.

all democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it

Travel is fatal to narrowmindedness, prejudice and bigotry.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who have gone on to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

The mania for giving the Government power to meddle with the private affairs of cities or citizens is likely to cause endless trouble.

This ain't no thirty-seven year job, this is a thirty-eight year job, Tom Sawyer.

I like criticism, but it must be my way.

Customs do not concern themselves with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed; one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.

It was indeed a glad and gracious time, and the half dozen rash spirits that ventured to disapprove of the war and cast a doubt upon its righteousness straightway got such a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety's sake they quickly shrank out of sight and offended no more in that way.

Satan had been making admiring remarks about certain of the Creator's sparkling industries -- remarks which, being read between the lines, were sarcasms.

congress - that great, benevolent asylum for the helpless

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

In discarding the monkey and substituting man, our Father in Heaven did the monkey an undeserved injustice.

I love to hear myself talk, because I get so much instruction and moral upheaval out of it.

Today the same thing over. I've got it up the tree again.