Quotes from Mark Twain

The startled girl dropped her watering-pot and clasped her hands together, and at that moment a stone cannon-ball crashed through her fair body.

Eh bien! I no see not that that frog has nothing of better than another.

When you find yourself on the side of the majority, you should pause and reflect.

SATURDAY morning was come, and all the summer world was bright and fresh, and

Sure enough, it was just as I had dreaded, he started to climb the tree- What the Bull? Of course- who else? But a bull can't climb a tree. He can't can he? Since you know so much about it, did you ever see a bull try? No! I never dreamt of such a thing. Well, then, what is the use of your talking that way, then? Because you never saw a thing done, is that any reason why it can't be done?

it warn't no time to be sentimentering.

What can a person's heart be made of that can pity a Christian's child and yet can't pity a devil's child, that a thousand times more needs it!

Go to heaven for the climate

A Russian imbues his polite things with a heartiness, both of phrase and expression, that compels belief in their sincerity.

But when weariness finally forced him to be silent, he was no longer of use to his tormentors, and they sought amusement elsewhere

Yes, I am of old family, and not illiterate. I am a fossil.   A which?   Fossil. The first horses were fossils. They date back two million years.

little smoke couldn't be noticed now, so we would take some fish off of the lines and cook up a hot breakfast. And afterwards we would watch the lonesomeness of the river, and kind of lazy along, and by and by lazy off to sleep.

History is strewn thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill, but a lie, well told, is immortal.

He denounced him openly as a charlatan--a fraud with no valuable knowledge of any kind, or powers beyond those of an ordinary and rather inferior human being.

that dismal prison house within whose dungeons so many young faces put on the wrinkles of age

I have never tried, in even one single little instance, to help cultivate the cultivated classes. I was not equipped for it either by native gifts or training. And I never had any ambition in that direction, but always hunted for bigger game--the masses. - Mark Twain, a Biography

Death is to life as heaven is to hell they're both dependent on each other

Then she told me all about the bad place, and I said I wished I was there.

It is easy to make plans in this world; even a cat can do it; and when one is out in those remote oceans it is noticeable that a cat's plans and a man's are worth about the same.

you give me much more of your sass I'll take and bounce a rock off'n your head.

I never learnt nothing else out of pap, I learnt that the best way to get along with his kind of people is to let them have their own way.

Nobody could infer the master-mind in the top of that edifice from the edifice itself.

It takes a thousand men to invent a telegraph, or a steam engine, or a phonograph, or a telephone or any other important thing-and the last man gets the credit and we forget the others.

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.