Quotes from Mark Twain

The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.

Good wine needs no bush; a jug is the thing.

Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor

None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

Wherefore being all of one mind, we do highly resolve that government of the grafted by the grafter for the grafter shall not perish from the earth.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Sometimes I wish we could hear of a country that's out of kings.

Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.

Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.

Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant.

When all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt.

Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

To be busy is man's only happiness.

It is an important thing, in our never-ending pursuit of happiness, to stop and just be happy for a while.

To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

History never repeats itself; at best it sometimes rhymes.

The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

It's so damned humiliating.