Quotes from Patton Oswalt

Every audience is different, even within the same venue. You have to just make every audience your audience; you can't pre-judge an audience based on the size of the room or the type of room. You've just got to be in the moment and go with it.

Just think of yourself as starting from zero every time. That's what I do with every new role. I'm at zero, and I'm going to do the work.

All the truly great stand-ups say, "I go onstage, and I work on jokes. The inspiration will happen while I'm doing my work." To me, in the end, the surest thing is work.

George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.

I grew up in such a featureless, personality-less suburb. There was nothing to push against.

I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy.

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.

I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.

If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.

Yeah, there were a few years in the early nineties where I really began to hate what was valued as funny and just sort of what was valued in stand-up, period.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?