Quotes from Joe E. Lewis

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor as long as you've got money.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

I play in the low eighties. If it's any hotter than that I won't play.

I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.