Quotes from John Hodgman

Generally speaking, I, like anyone else who does anything publicly, like it when people like what I do, and would like to hear as much.

I would be good for maybe not the center square but an upper square on 'Hollywood Squares.'

Comedy does offer an avenue to television and film careers for untelegenic people that great drama does not.

All books should be trilogies; I mean I think we all agree on that.

While I understand that all things must come to an end, whether it's a television advertisement or one's life or the world itself, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

The most important book on the Internet is, essentially, the Internet.

The villain of any story is often the most compelling character.

I know nothing about letting go.

Every evening my wife makes us martinis and we talk about our days as I cook dinner and our children ignore us. It is a great pleasure in our lives: this rediscovering of each other as our children age. It is our indulgence.

Even as a grown-up, I love pretending to be a grown-up.

She taught me that the world would continue without me. And eventually I learned that lesson. It took some time...Everything is cliche. Her death taught me that life is short.

We all know he kept a bowl of live frogs by his resting slab in the Oval Office that he would snack on during meetings.

I cannot remember whether this was my decision or her command. Maintaining such fogginess about free will is, I think, a secret to a lasting marriage.

The Sky Lounge is not aspirational. It is desperational.

You should always pay full price for a haircut, but if you have the chance to buy discount therapy you should grab it, because the markup on that shit is insane.

Hipsterism is the purposeful cultivation of uncool and esoteric tastes, and sometimes a shortcut to that aesthetic is to embrace the ugly.

My cairns were obvious, pretentious, rococo.

There's no peace in dying, but there's peace when it's done.

After all, there's no mansplaining like white mansplaining 'cause white mansplaining don't stop.

Now normally I consider nostalgia to be a toxic impulse. It is the twinned, yearning delusion that (a) the past was better (it wasn't) and (b) it can be recaptured (it can't) that leads at best to bad art, movie versions of old TV shows, and sad dads watching Fox News. At worst it leads to revisionist, extremist politics, fundamentalist terrorism, and the victory—in Appalachia in particular—of a narcissist Manhattan cartoon maybe-millionaire

Moxie's own medicinal cred derived from a bitter slap of gentian root, giving it a flavor profile somewhere between Dr Pepper and witch hazel. It is difficult to enjoy even ironically, and so it has largely stayed within the confines of Massachusetts and Maine, where it is sometimes mixed with coffee brandy, as the people of Maine have a punishing streak of self-hatred that makes Bostonians seem like lighthearted imps.

It takes a long time for white guys to appreciate that they are breakable. They do not live from birth with the daily fear that they might be attacked or detained or killed. Their bodies are not constant targets of power. Their bodies are power, so they throw those bodies up and down mountains and stairs and out of airplanes and into pointless online yelling matches for fun. They just presume they will survive.

My name is John Hodgman; you live on the planet Earth; and everything is going to be fine.

Everyone is doing what they have to do, and everyone is doing the best they can. And soon you will be going home.