Quotes from Gabriel Iglesias

My material never comes out verbatim every time. I always tweak in a line, or tweak away a line, gain a couple tags or lose a couple tags. The timing is always off.

Understand that you don't know it all. You don't know anything yet. What you've been taught is great, but always go with common sense. And don't marry your first love.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

Every night, it's a bakery on the bus. It's a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring me cake. And now I just found out I'm diabetic, so I'm like, are you kidding me?!

Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it.

I love Australia. First of all, everyone is so nice. The people are down to Earth, and they like having fun with you.

People see a big dude and they hear that high pitched voice or "Eglasias with an 'I'" and love it because they can relate and go "I know that person!".

I like to tell old jokes on stage after about an hour, or an hour and a half. I'll bring those old ones back because the fans love them.

As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I'm kind of jaded on everyone else.

I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I'm alive and I'm living and I'm experiencing different things every day, the show will always change.

Some comics don't like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes I'm going to do.

I usually travel with a posse. I roll deep. I travel like a rapper, but without the artillery. We don't carry guns, we carry cookies.

I try not to get political, I don't want to get religious, I don't want to get controversial, I just want to have a show that relates to everybody.

When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, 'I want to go to that McDonalds.

Now people are coming up to meet me at my shows and they're doing my bits! One guy earlier was at 7-11 and he comes up to me and goes "you want a falcon?".

Drama is not my passion. If I do it, it's for a check. It's not what I want to do. Comedy's my thing. Stand up's my thing. Everything that comes from that is frosting on the cake.

In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible... I don't want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate.

I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.'

Kids, man, they're way too honest. They're like mini-alcoholics.

I bought a Hummer before I bought a house, and then I bought a house. Every year, everything doubled. The work was doubling. The money was doubling. The popularity was doubling.

I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

There's been a lot of guys that come out of Texas who have made it really big. So it's not a geographic thing, it's a how hard are you willing to work for it.

The only way I will do a sitcom is if it's hurled at me, and I don't have to work for it.

Originally the big argument was that they wanted to call it "raw and uncut" and I told them I had a problem with that. When you say "raw" it implies that my show is dirty and that's not the case.