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Quotes from Tom Lehrer

All books can be indecent books Though recent books are bolder, For filth, I'm glad to say, is in The mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, Everything is lewd. I could tell you things about Peter Pan And the Wizard of Oz, there's a dirty old man...
~ Tom Lehrer
If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
~ Tom Lehrer
The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.
~ Tom Lehrer
Life is a piano what you get out of it depends on how you play it
~ Tom Lehrer
Sé que hay gente que no ama a sus semejantes y yo odio a la gente como esa
~ Tom Lehrer
I thought about majoring in Math, Chemistry and English, but Math had the fewest requirements, so I went with it. I knew I wanted to teach, and Math was my field, so I studied Math.
~ Tom Lehrer
I was immersed in popular songs of the time, of the '30s and '40s. I was writing songs, making fun of the attitudes of those songs, in the musical style of the songs themselves; love songs, folk songs, marches, football.
~ Tom Lehrer
If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
~ Tom Lehrer
Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it
~ Tom Lehrer
And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
~ Tom Lehrer
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
~ Tom Lehrer
On Christmas day you can't get sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to cheat him all the more The other three hundred and sixty-four
~ Tom Lehrer
When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.
~ Tom Lehrer
The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.
~ Tom Lehrer
Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
~ Tom Lehrer
Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
~ Tom Lehrer
It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
~ Tom Lehrer