Quotes from Helen Fielding

We've been texting for weeks. Surely it's rather like in Jane Austen's day when they did letter-writing for months and months and then just, like, immediately got married?' 'Bridget. Sleeping with a twenty-nine-year-old off Twitter on the second date is not rather like Jane Austen's day.

I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect...instead I choose Chaka Khan...and vodka... Bridget Jones

But the thing about having kids is: you can't go to pieces; you just have to keep going.

Bridget. Sleeping with a twenty-nine year old off Twitter on the second date is not 'rather like in Jane Austen's day'. (Talitha)

Bridget: Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse.

HARHARBLOODY HAR. Put that in your pipe hole and smoke it, society!

Exes should never, never go out with or marry other people but should remain celibate to the end of their days in order to provide you with a mental fallback position.

Why does turning on a TV these days require three remotes with ninety buttons? Why?

Lo que he aprendido es la importancia de desvincularse de las locuras de los demás porque uno ya tiene bastante de qué preocuparse intentando mantenerse centrado...

mascara-ing her eyelashes with her mouth wide open (necessity of open mouth during mascara application great unexplained mystery of nature). "Don't

It's all chop-change chop-change with you. Either go out with me and treat me nicely, or leave me alone. As I say, I am not interested in fuckwittage.

Now you go out there, do your best, and don't get caught up in everyone else's nonsense. It'll turn out fine, I promise you.

Is the whole world doomed to emotional trauma?

Roxster, my photo is of an egg.

Bridget ! Comme tu as maigri ! - C'est vrai ? ai-je commencé, ravie, avant de me rappeler que nous étions au téléphone.

Everything's just so good now, because, as Dad says, 'It's coming from the inside, not the outside.

You can't be ironic about dead people.

I will not sulk about having no boyfriend, but develop inner poise and authority and sense of self as woman of substance,complete without boyfriend, as best way to obtain boyfriend.

Una chica puede casarse con cualquiera cuando tiene dieciocho años. Pero cuando a formado su carácter, aceptar la realidad e un hombre tiene que parecer insufrible.

Parte de la arrogancia de la juventud (bueno, digo juventud por decir algo)radica en la suposición de que tus padres dejarán todo lo que estén haciendo y te recibirán con los brazos abiertos en cuanto tú decidas aparecer.

Chiamarsi Darcy e starsene tutto solo con aria sdegnosa a una festa mi ha subito colpita come una cosa abbastanza ridicola, un po' come se, in Cime Tempestose, Heathcliff passasse tuttta la serata in giardino a gridare Cathy e a sbattere la testa contro un tronco.

Just back from canal ride on bike. Went really well until someone threw an egg at me from a bridge. Or maybe it was a bird which went into sudden labour. Will clean off egg, not do Boris Bikes any more and go to Obesity Clinic on bus. At least will be alive and clean when sitting on arse instead of dead and covered in egg.

Should Never,Ever have got involved with Men again. Had completely forgotten the nightmare of 'Why hasn't he called

Weightless (in air), alcohol units 8 (but in-flight so canceled out by altitude), cigarettes 0 (desperate: no-smoking seat), calories 1 million (entirely made up of things would never have dreamt of putting in self's mouth were they not on in-flight tray), farts from traveling companion 38 (so far), variations in fart aroma 0.