Quotes from Norm MacDonald

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.

You can't love your team without hating another team.

In love, we are best pleased when we please others.

It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.

I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio.

I never had any interest in sitcoms or motion pictures or anything like that.

Few people love with the violence they hate.

I've been in theaters. Like Brian Regan, who I love - loved him so much more when he did the Improvs. And then in a big theater - nobody's that good.

Love is an artful arrangement of artless pretensions, whereby we labor to appear innocent in what we desire to be most cunning.

I like doing a funny show where I don't have to act and fall in love with a girl.

I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone.

When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that.

In love, first please the eye, then win the heart.

A capacity for hating the object of desire is, perhaps, the best cure for love in cases of disappointment.

I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.

I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.

I have always loved Las Vegas. It's a traditional place for lounge comics to perform, and I love that.

You're trying your best to make people laugh; then if you fail, they hate you. But your intent's the same. It's not like you're trying to do evil to them.

It's a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you're good at it, then they go, 'How would you like to be a horrible actor?' Then you say, 'All right, that sounds good. I'll do that.'

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.

Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home type, while Michael Jackson is more of a homosexual pedophile.

A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.