Quotes from Joseph Heller

Catch-22 says they have a right to do anything we can't stop them from doing.

That men would die was a matter of necessity; which men would die, though, was a matter of circumstance, and Yossarian was willing to be the victim of anything but circumstance.

During the day, they avoided him, even Aarfy, and Yossarian understood that they were different people together in daylight than they were alone in the dark.

There were many principles in which Clevinger believed passionately. He was crazy.

Doc Daneeka hated to fly. He felt imprisoned in an airplane. In an airplane there was absolutely no place in the world to go except to another part of the airplane.

Why couldn't anybody understand that he was not really a freak but a normal, lonely adult trying to lead a normal, lonely adult life? If they pricked him, didn't he bleed? And if he was tickled, didn't he laugh? It

Group Headquarters was alarmed, for there was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.

There was not enough of the patient to go around, and specialists pushed forward in line with raw tempers and snapped at their colleagues in front to hurry up and give somebody else a chance.

I want you to tell Him something for me. Tell Him it ain't right for people to die when they're young. I mean it. Tell Him if they got to die at all, they got to die when they're old. I want you to tell Him that. I don't think He knows it ain't right, because He's supposed to be good and it's been going on for a long, long time. Okay?" "And don't let anybody up there push

The more loyalty oaths a person signed, the more loyal he was; to Captain Black it was as simple as that, and he had Corporal Kolodny sign hundreds with his name each day so that he could always prove he was more loyal than anyone else.

Subconsciously there are many people you hate." "Consciously, sir, consciously," Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. "I hate them consciously.

Adolf Hitler, who had done such a great job of combating un-American activities in Germany.

But she was a baneful person who spoiled my good days and rejoiced in my bad and who would never allow herself to extol or admire me or to view me as others did in the mythic dimensions of a hero king, or as a huge, monumental figure immortalized on a great pedestal of white marble. And that's another thing...

it was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything. Colonel Cathcart and Lieutenant

he disapproved of Adolf Hitler, who had done such a great job of combating un-American activities in Germany.

Be thankful you're healthy. Be bitter you're not going to stay that way. Be glad you're even alive. Be furious you're going to die. Things could be much worse, she cried. They could be one hell of a lot better, he answered heatedly.

The real trick lies in losing wars, in knowing which wars can be lost. Italy has been losing wars for centuries, and just see how splendidly we've done nonetheless. France wins wars and is in a continual state of crisis. Germany loses and prospers.

Yes, now I see. But I still don't think I understand.

but Yossarian had proof, because strangers he didn't know shot at him with cannons every time he flew up into the air to drop bombs on them, and it wasn't funny at all. And if that wasn't funny, there were lots of things that weren't even funnier.

He advocated thrift and hard work and disapproved of loose women who turned him down.

Yossarian!!!(?)!

Nobody asked you what you did say to Yossarian. We asked you what you didn't say to him.

Jerusalem is a very small town. And Bathsheba was a very loud woman. Maybe even Uriah knew.

Major Major's father had a Calvinist's faith in predestination and could perceive distinctly how everyone's misfortunes but his own were expressions of God's will.