Quotes from Joseph Heller

Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who needs one?

The chaplain was apologetic. "I'm sorry, sir, but just about all the prayers I know are rather somber in tone and make at least some passing reference to God." "Then let's get some new ones. The men are already doing enough bitching about the missions I send them on without our rubbing it in with any sermons about God or death or Paradise. Why can't we take a more positive approach? Why

You're inches away from death every time you go on a mission. How much older can you be at your age? A half minute before that you were stepping into high school, and an unhooked brassiere was as close as you ever hoped to get to Paradise. Only a fifth of a second before that you were a small kid with a ten-week summer vacation that lasted a hundred thousand years and still ended too soon. Zip! They go rocketing by so fast. How the hell else are you ever going to slow down?

Subconscientemente, há muitas pessoas que odeia. – Conscientemente, senhor, conscientemente – corrigiu Yossarian

The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him. Catch 22

When I look up, I see people cashing in. I don't see heaven or saints or angels. I see people cashing in on every decent impulse and every human tragedy.

Every victim was a culprit, every culprit a victim, and somebody had to stand up sometime to try to break the lousy chain of inherited habit that was imperiling them all. In

the platitudes of Americanism were horseshit. Number one, they didn't work. Number two, they weren't true. Number three, the people giving voice to them didn't believe them either.

All were successful,and felt like failures. Gold no longer pretended to understand the nature of success.Instead,he pretended not to. He knew the components that were necessary: None,or maybe one: Dumb luck

Suponho que não vão enviar um louco para a morte? – Então, quem iria?

and a great, choking moan tore from Yossarian's throat as McWatt turned again, dipped his wings once in salute, decided oh, well, what the hell, and flew into a mountain. Colonel

Clevinger was guilty, of course, or he would not have been accused, and since the only way to prove it was to find him guilty, it was their patriotic duty to do so.

The important thing is to keep them pledging," he explained to his cohorts. "It doesn't matter whether they mean it or not. That's why they make little kids pledge allegiance even before they know what 'pledge' and 'allegiance' mean.

Would you like to see our country lose?' Major Major asked. 'We won't lose. We've got more men, more money and more material. There are ten million men in uniform who could replace me. Some people are getting killed and a lot more are making money and having fun. Let somebody else get killed.' 'But suppose everybody on our side felt that way.' 'Then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way. Wouldn't I?

Yossarian devia a sua boa saúde ao exercício, ao ar puro, ao trabalho de equipa e ao bom desportivismo, e fora para se esquivar a tudo isso que descobrira o hospital.

Even with such handicaps, Colonel Cargill could be relied on to run the most prosperous enterprise into the ground. He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.

Mrs. Daneeka, Doc Daneeka's wife, was not glad that Doc Daneeka was gone and split the peaceful Staten Island night with woeful shrieks of lamentation when she learned by War Department telegram that her husband had been killed in action. Women came to comfort her, and their husbands paid condolence calls and hoped inwardly that she would soon move to another neighborhood and spare them the obligation of continuous sympathy.

Nobody is sure anymore who really runs the company (not even the people who are credited with running it), but the company does run.

O fígado representa um vasto e hediondo mistério, para nós. Se alguma vez comeu fígado frito, compreende o que quero dizer. Os estudos mais recentes permitem-nos concluir que ele existe de facto e fazer uma ideia geral da sua acção, quando funciona devidamente. Para além disso, ainda navegamos nas trevas.

That was my first job after graduating (or being graduated from) high school.

I don't really like them, either (but I pretend I do).

Gold was not sure of many things,but he was definite about one: for every successful person he knew,he could name at least two of greater ability,better character, and higher intelligence who, by comparison, had failed

But that doesn't seem to matter; all that does matter is that the information comes from a reputable source.

He was hounded incessantly by an impression of vital duties left unfulfilled and waited in vain for his responsibilities to overtake him.