Quotes from Joseph Heller

Yossarian laughed with buoyant scorn and shook his head. "I'm not running away from my responsibilities. I'm running to them. There's nothing negative about running away to save my life. You know who the escapists are, don't you, Danby? Not me and Orr." "Chaplain, please talk to him, will you? He's deserting. He wants to run away to Sweden.

I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings.

It's absolutely insane. Your conscience will never let you rest." "God bless it." Yossarian laughed. "I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings. Right, Chaplain?

He was generally disappointed by the new novels of the early postwar years: "There was a terrible sameness about books being published and I almost stopped reading as well as writing.

For war there is always enough. It's peace that's too expensive.

the colonel surged to his feet like a gigantic belch

Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?' 'I do,' Dunbar told him. 'Why?' Clevinger asked. 'What else is there?

A man's head is his castle.

Men went mad and were rewarded with medals.

The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.

When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering.

If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?

The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.

But the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make him out to be.

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.

I don't understand the process of imagination-though I know that I am very much at its mercy.

The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.

I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.

Remember that everyone deserves some fun during working hours.

I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.

I think Haig will be foolish, but perhaps not quite as foolish as Kissinger was, because Haig doesn't have the education Kissinger had. Haig is a little more dangerous because, I fear, he believes what he says, whereas I never got that impression from Kissinger.