Quotes from Joseph Heller

Rise above principle and do what's right.

Everyone in my book accuses everyone else of being crazy. Frankly, I think the whole society is nuts - and the question is: What does a sane man do in an insane society?

The question is: what is a sane man to do in an insane society?

I'm not running away from my responsibilities. I'm running to them. There's nothing negative about running away to save my life.

When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as 'Catch-22' I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?'

He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?

She was the epitome of stately sorrow each time she smiled.

Never quit a job as a matter of principle. You'll always regret it.

Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.

I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.

Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he is on.

History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.

Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private individuals.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.