Quotes from Lily Tomlin

When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime - and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store.

I wanted to be a stage actress. I wanted to be a New York actress and have a community with other actors. I didn't want to get famous; I always thought getting famous was a drag on you.

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

We're all in this together ... alone.

There will be sex after death; we just won't be able to feel it.

Why is it when we talk to God we are said to be praying, and when God talks to us we're said to be schizophrenic?

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.

If trying harder doesn't work, try softer.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

Acting childish seems to come naturally, but acting like an adult, no matter how old we are, just doesn't come easy to us.

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

Remember we're all in this alone.

But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Reality is the crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Thank God kids never mean well