Quotes from Lenny Bruce

Satire is tragedy plus time.

Today, I give my daughter what I really didn't have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia.

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.

Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.

What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

The whole motivation for any performer is 'Look at me, Ma.'

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.

There is only what is and that's it. What should be is a dirty lie.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

The reason there's so much ignorance is that those who have it are so eager to share it.

The only honest art form is laughter.

Nobody can offend you by telling a dirty toilet story. They can offend you because it's trite; you've heard it many, many times.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

There's a thin line between to laugh with and to laugh at.

I guess what happens is, if you get arrested in Town A (Philadelphia) and then Town B (San Francisco)--with a lot of publicity--then when you get to Town C they have to arrest you or what kind of sh*thouse town are they running?