Quotes from Lenny Bruce

Once you take away the struggle for food, clothing and shelter, work is the one four letter word that offends everyone.

I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it...try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

You can't just run out and start the car until some cat invents a car.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".

There are never enough I Love You's.

I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.

Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.

If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.

There's always a down side with any freedom. It's not just homosexual freedom, but any sexual freedom comes at a price, and that is usually art.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.