Quotes from Aziz Ansari

With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes.

The whole idea of love is scary - so is being with someone for the rest of your life and being happy with them for the rest of your life. There's lots of research to suggest that, actually, love's not really that simple.

I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.

I don't think you can describe your ideal girl. A big part of that is just meeting someone and really clicking with them and wanting to hang out with them all of the time.

It's hard to really get that excited about movies. Think about it like this: how many good comedy movies come out a year? Maybe one or two? And then, in those movies, what are the chances that there's a character that I'm the best fit to play? It's really small!

Fiddling knobs, touching keys, having fun with a full grown man.

You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.

Come on, man, I got a full beard!

You don't know Jay-Z's scedule. He's a renaissance man.

You're a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you're not like, 'Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.

I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!

Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.

I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.

Acting is a plum gig, and then animation is an even more plum gig.

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

I live in L.A., I go on tour all the time, I'm in New York half the year - it's very hard to be in a relationship.

Everyone just did what their parents did. So that immediately made me skeptical of the whole religion thing, even as a kid. So I never was really into religion as a concept.

I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.

I just think it's sad that the main places in our culture that we designate to meet new people are bars and nightclubs.

Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Every single person, pretty much, is taught what they're supposed to do: go to school, get a job, find someone to love, get married, have kids, raise the kids, and then die. Nobody questions that. What if you want to do something different?

As I always have with stand-up or anything, you kind of draw on what you're going through in your life.

Other than friends and family, my favorite things are New York and stand-up. I love doing comedy in New York - I can do way more stand-up here than in Los Angeles.

You go to any Jay-Z concert, and he plays his hits. Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on. It's the hardest thing.