Quotes from Alan Carr

Dad instantly set out his stall:he wanted a big dog, a 'man dog',a dog that if it was human would enjoy a pint and stare at the barmaid's arse

Because you were wearing a badge, customers assumed you were an oracle. 'What aisle is the desiccated coconut' 'How long do you cook a butternut squash?' 'What would you have with a pan fried red mullet?' 'Where can I find the holy grail?' Enough already! Some people obviously misread the 'Here to help' as 'Hello I'm your bitch!

Even if people threw tomatoes at me and booed me off stage, at least you can wash out tomatoes, unlike nine hours of abuse from the general public which can affect your mental health.

I don't really like being a celebrity.

I love a bit of 'Tipping Point'; I sit there and sometimes the dog starts watching it. It's just like the going in and out and the coins falling, it can be quite trance-like.

I think TV in general is camp. 'X Factor' is camp, 'Strictly Come Dancing' is camp. Basically, an orange man comes down some stairs and waves at the camera. People are drawn to that.

I'm just a comedian. That's all I am. If you find me funny, good.

I love the buzz of doing live. I am a stand-up comedian and so I am not scared of live.

A fortune-teller said my future lay in comedy.

You survive cancer but you have still got the emotional baggage.

But there's something delightfully old-school about sitting in the BBC - obviously wearing a bow tie and monocle - with a co-presenter who forgets there's a webcam in there. It's also nice to hear from the general public when they're not swearing at you or asking to extend their credit limit.

I'm a comedian. I can't get a spray tan. I can't get a weave. I can't get my teeth done. Can you imagine if I came out on stage looking really hunky? Comedy doesn't work like that.

I'm old school, when I go on stage, I want every single person in that theatre to have the time of their life. I don't want to upset someone on their night off when they've been working all week.

Nostalgia is so powerful, and it was such an odd year, 2020.

I mean, seeing 10 very talented interior designers is not hard work - it's an absolute joy.

I think I have got a lot better as an interviewer. I let people talk now which is something you need to do. At the beginning I thought jokes, jokes, jokes, I am a stand up comedian but I think I have mellowed out now.

I'm not that good at knowing the price of things. Not because I live in a celebrity bubble, but just because I've always been rubbish at stuff like that.

My mum will never ask if I'm seeing anyone; I'm not that kind of person anyway. I'm very private.

Basically, I thought I had nothing to lose so I'd try my luck as a stand-up comedian. So even if it all failed, I was at the bottom of the food-chain anyway.

I think familiarity breeds contempt. I mean, we'll never get another Greta Garbo will we? Someone would go in with a camera Sellotaped to the bottom of a tray trying to get film of her with no make-up on.

It's dangerous when you start telling people they can't have an opinion on something. And, you know, you don't cancel someone, you engage with someone.

I was such a worrier at school. I wish I could go back and tell myself to stop stressing.

Drag queens in the UK, they survive it all - there's a hen party, a stag party, people throwing beer bottles. They work not on their heels, but on their wits.

It seems the older I get, I hear about cancer more and more but not to get too totally depressed about it all - on a positive note you do hear about people surviving it more - thanks to the fantastic work done by the Stand Up To Cancer campaign.