Quotes from Ray Romano

I'm a little different from the average dude because I'm on high-def TV now.

I don't watch 'Mad Men.'

Without identical twins, you'll never get to experience entering a hotel room with one of them and watching him run into the full-length mirror because he though he saw his brother.

The fact that they let me in a movie with Gene Hackman has left me with no faith in show buisness.

I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

If my father had hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now.

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.

I feel like this is a dream, and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.