Quotes from Woody Allen

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.

The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

I am at two with nature.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The wicked at heart probably know something.

And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.

We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices...

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

Living is messy.