Quotes from Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.

I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day.

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.

You can't ride two horses with one behind.

In formulating any philosophy the first consideration must always be: What can we know? That is, what can we be sure we know, or sure that we know we knew it, if indeed it is at all knowable. Or have we simply forgotten it and are too embarrassed to say anything? Descartes hinted at the problem when he wrote, 'My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know?

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.

Hay relaciones en las que las palabras dice amistad, pero los ojos gritan romance.

You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.

The most expensive sex is free sex

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year--then I'm going to Lourdes.

So then, what do you believe in? Sex and death. Two things that come once in my lifetime. But at least after death you're not nauseous.

You're still in love' 'No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.' 'What element?' 'We never found out

I like the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

I've always liked, someday the lamb will lay by the lion.... but it won't get much sleep.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Eres un pesimista, ves siempre el vaso medio vacio! -No, lo veo medio lleno pero de veneno.