Quotes from Woody Allen

Solvency being the better part of valor, I let it slide rather than nuke the trio with one lick of my vermilion tongue.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Off the record, I had envisioned a little more peer support, nothing overwhelming, perhaps a few organized protests, maybe some irate colleagues marching arms linked, a little rioting, perhaps a few burned cars. After all, I had been a member in good standing of the creative community and was certain my predicament would infuriate my union brethren and fellow artists.

and I remember being a little drunk and viewing the Place de la Concorde lit up at night and it was so beautiful, and I shook my fist at Paris like a character in Balzac and said wistfully, "You old whore.

You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes.

Tortellini was one of the only things you could eat there and that tasted passable if one's demands for flavor were kept at a minimum. I often told Elaine that her food would have been turned down by the lost party on the Donner Pass.

I'm ordering a bottle of Bordeaux. I know as much about wine as I know about horses or bipolar women.

And then I started to think, that the less I know about what people think of my work, the better off I am.

I'm an existential teleological aetheist. I believe there is an underlying intelligence to the universe, with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey.

If it wasn't for his anxiety, he'd get no aerobics at all.

I dined alone and went to sleep, keeping one eye open all night lest Milt Rosen roll over onto my side of the bed. I was prepared to let out a piercing shriek.

Mia had three beautiful sisters and three brothers. One brother died behind the controls of a plane. Another brother committed suicide with a gun. The third brother was convicted of molesting boys and sentenced to prison.

I walked her home, chatting about this and that, trying to impress her with tales of my brief stint in the Navy SEALs throwing fish to our men each time they completed a successful mission.

We weren't in love but we provided one another with reasonable companionship.

It was either that or a sportswriter where I could document the poetry of athletics much the same as my idol, Jimmy Cannon.

I would have preferred to stay put in town, as the life bucolic affected me like chloroform and I could never get used to the sound of a moth hitting the bug zapper.

Two men were mugging an elderly lady. My God, thought Weinstein, time was when one person could handle that job.

I was trying to balance Soon-Yi's problems with my own, with Dylan, Moses, and Satchel, whom Mia had possession of, complete control over, and a willingness to use them as pawns if and when necessary.

Soon-Yi will be the first to tell you in over twenty years of marriage, and the many disagreements we've had, I have never once been right on a single issue.

I was with Billy Graham once, and he said that even if it turned out in the end that there is no God and the universe is empty, he would still have had a better life than me. I understand that. If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life.

Writing with someone mitigates the intense loneliness.

The man who said 'I'd rather be lucky than good' saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose.

The only criticisms I have are that, one, many are gratuitously dirty. Remember, I'm saying gratuitously. I don't mind dirty when it contributes to the funny routine, but since language was liberated in the sixties, it's embarrassing to hear acts punctuate their material with the old so-called dirty words. Apparently, the

The Bitter End sold coffee, no liquor, and it had the signature brick wall to back the acts. They were mostly folk acts. Lucy and Carly Simon; José Feliciano; Peter, Paul and Mary;