Quotes from Doug Larson

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Nostalgia: A device that removes the ruts and potholes from memory lane.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.

Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.

For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.

The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enought to know they were impossible.

The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice.

There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 AM. It could be the right number.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.

A clean basement, garage and attic are signs of an empty life.

A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.