Quotes from Doug Larson

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Law of Airlines: The shorter the time between flights, the greater the distance between gates.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.

The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.

The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there's only one other choice.

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.

Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.