Quotes from Gracie Allen

It's a game everybody plays. If you see a man with a beard and holler "Beaver!" it's five points. And if you see a man with a moustache, it's onlI three points.

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

I really don't act. I just live what George and I are doing. It has to make some sort of sense to me, or it won't ring true. No matter what the script says, there's no audience and no footlights and no camera for me. There's no make-believe. It's for real.

Cultivate friendships. If you don't have time to cultivate all of them, plow under every fifth one and collect your bonus.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

The on-stage Gracie may look poised, but the real Gracie is shy, a little self-conscious, and, before every performance of my life, panicky.

You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about?

Every man is born with the ability to do something well. This is what the Lord intended him to do. Using that ability - what life is all about.

Education is worth a whole lot. Just think - with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer - and so would the average lawyer.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.

As a well-known great man would have said if he had thought of it, "Don't go around offending people just because it can be done sitting down."

When I was born I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman."

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I'll develop my radio personality.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances.

This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them.