Quotes from Jay Heinrichs

In an argument, you try to win over the other creature. You get your opponent to agree on a solution, or to make a choice. While both a fight and an argument start with a disagreement, only an argument can make both sides happy. How? By reaching an agreement that benefits both of you. In the best kind of argument, both sides think they won.

How do you get a human to think you're caring? The obvious way is actually to care.

Seduction is manipulation, manipulation is half of argument, and therefore many of us shy from it. But seduction offers more than just consensual sex. It can bring you consensus. Even Aristotle, that logical old soul, believed in the curative powers of seduction. Logic alone will rarely get people to do anything. They have to desire the act. You may not like seduction's manipulative aspects; still, it beats fighting, which is what we usually mistake for an argument.

Yo me enamoré de las figuras e incluso lancé una página web, Figarospeech.com, dedicada a ellas. Las figuras añaden lustre a un memorando o a un artículo, y en

your audience needs, and do your best day after day to meet those needs. But that's not persuasion, which works faster. To persuade someone that you're a caring person, you need to do two things. First, show you understand. Second, offer to make some little sacrifice.

Rhetoric has a name for debating that seeks to win points: eristic.

The basic difference between an argument and a fight: an argument, done skillfully, gets people to want to do what you want. You fight to win; you argue to achieve agreement.

2 Establece tus objetivos

Pero incluso ellos conocían la diferencia en la vida real entre luchar y discutir.

While the rest of the world fights, we'll argue. And argument gets you what you want more than fighting does.

En una lucha, los contendientes intentan vencer. En una discusión, intentan vencer a una audiencia, que puede incluir a los testigos directos, los telespectadores, un electorado o los interlocutores.

Este capítulo te ayudará a distinguir entre una discusión y una lucha, y a decidir lo que deseas sacar de una discusión.

Así, cuando te enfrentes a un hombre enfadado, muéstrate serio y preocupado; no le grites «¡Venga, amargado!» Cuando una niña parece triste, la empatía implica parecer triste también; no significa decirle alegremente: «¡Anímate!»

Pretty agreeable of me, yes? The ancient Greeks gave a name to this kind of anticipatory concession, agreeing in advance to what the other person is likely to say: prolepsis, meaning

Gottman descubrió que las parejas que habían seguido casadas durante esos nueve años discutían prácticamente lo mismo que las que habían acabado en divorcio.

No obstante, las parejas exitosas discutían de manera diferente y con un propósito distinto. Los retóricos dirían que seguían instintivamente los principios básicos de la discusión.

La discusión suponía para ellas un problema, no un medio para una solución. Las felices discutían. Las infelices luchaban.

el argumento que apela al bastón (la lucha) no es un argumento. Jamás convence, tan solo inspira venganza o retirada.

La diferencia esencial entre una argumentación y una lucha: una argumentación efectuada con destreza consigue que la gente haga lo que tú quieras. Luchas para ganar; discutes para alcanzar un acuerdo.

A bullying occasion should not be about the bully. That's just what the bully wants. It's about the audience. And a bully can give you the chance to enhance your ethos to that audience.

A person's life persuades better than his word," said one of Aristotle's contemporaries.

THE UNANNOUNCED EMOTION: Don't advertise a mood. Invoke it

When you want to change someone's mood, tell a story.

Rhetoric is the art of influence, friendship, and eloquence, of ready wit and irrefutable logic. And it harnesses the most powerful of social forces, argument.