Quotes from Steve Kluger

T.C.: Um, actually you just said "I live in a parking lot." You didn't mean to do that. Lori: You've never seen traffic on Concord Street at eight o'clock in the morning.

Communicating with the federal government is like talking to a computer that's crashing.

My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

Never, ever stop believing in magic, no matter how old you get. Because if you keep looking long enough and don't give up, sooner or later you're going to find Mary Poppins.

A first kiss after five months means more than a first kiss after five minutes.

Just because you discover that you may like somebody after all, it doesn't necessarily mean there's any attraction.

Ale: Are you manipulating me again? T.C.: Try not to fall for it. I dare you.

It doesn't matter what people thinks of you as long as you know that your heart and head are in the right place.

Augie: Does everybody else know? T.C.: About my epitaph? Augie: About me being gay, you gink-head hoser-face! T.C. Not everybody. There's a night watchman at a Dunkin Donuts just outside of Detroit. He doesn't know yet.

Falling hard for somebody makes you do things you never thought you'd do before. Like pulling off an A in History or finally facing the truth about yourself

Romance is a universally unspoken language understood by all living organism on this planet except heterosexual men.

We make families of our own, Travis whispered in my arms on the last night we spent together. It starts with you and me and then it spreads. And whatever happens, there'll always be a part of me that's part of you. No matter what.

Communicating with the federal government is like talking to a computer that's crashing.

it's not just the people we love, but the people we let love us back who show us how high we can really soar.

And if Henry Higgins is not the most reprehensible character ever written for the stage, that's only because somewhere, somehow, someone is composing a musical biography of Ronald Reagan

Say 'Kenmore Square', I insist. Kenmaw Sqway-ah. Say 'Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina.' Nothing could be finah than to be in Caroliner.' You're doing that on purpose. I'm not. I sway-ah.

My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

The only thing I know about Moses is him coming down from the mountain with the commandments and saying 'The good news is I got him down to 10. The bad news is adultery is still in.

Mr. Herbert Demarest Alexander Hamilton Jr. High 2236 Bedford Avenue Brooklyn NY Dear Mr Demarest, Then why don't you give him 'Withering Heights'? At least Heathcoat knew how to kick some ass. Chas. Banks 3d Base

TRAVIS: I never said I like boys! GORDO: Ever beat off to Penthouse? TRAVIS: No. GORDO: Ever collect baseball cards? TRAVIS: No. GORDO: How old is Barbra Streisand? TRAVIS: 36. Three weeks ago. GORDO:What do you need—a fucking blueprint?

It's a lot easier to patch things up with somebody when he doesn't even know you were pissed off at him in the first place.

Oh, no. This has marriage written all over it. Travis, read my lips: remember that Fellini film with the prostitute who says that every new sunrise makes her a virgin? It doesn't work that way with me. Even the sun thinks I'm a slut.

You got a boyfriend or something?" I hate it when he figures me out before I have a chance to do it myself. Especially when I've been counting on at least seven more years of denial.

Papa, I'm ashamed that you think women are so simple. We can make decisions for ourselves too, you know. I'm not a child or a baby anymore, so I'm allowed to speak my mind. And if you don't wish to hear it, just tell me so and I'll go into another room-but I'll speak it anyway. I want this for myself as much as I've never wanted the diplomatic corps and I'm going to get it-even if I have to do it alone. Excuse me.