Quotes from Red Skelton

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.

God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

Congress: Bingo with billions.

A couple of rabbits were being chased by a pack of coyotes. They stopped in a haystack, and one rabbit said to the other, "We gonna make a run for it, or stay here and outnumber them?"

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.

His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

I left home because I was hungry.

God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.