Quotes from Paula Poundstone

I don't even have a savings account because I don't know my mom's maiden name, and apparently that's the key to the whole thing.

The wages of sin are death, but after they take the taxes out, it's more like a tired feeling, really.

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

I used to watch 'The Waltons' and sob because my family was nothing like that. We had a cruel sense of humor in my family.

I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up 'cause they're looking for ideas.

The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an ax-murderer.

It's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. Librarians have stood up to the Patriot Act, sat down with noisy toddlers and reached out to illiterate adults. Libraries can never be shushed.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose.

My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.

I think that's why they have so many religious freaks in the airports...they even keep the flowers behind the counter. 'Go, go my children...be fruitful and annoy.

Deep-rooted happiness may require a sense of purpose. If I don't feel that I am in some small way contributing to the greater good, holding on to happiness is like carrying water in my hands.

I fall short of her standards. She made me buy cat food that hasn't been tested on animals. My cats took one bite of it, spit it out, and yelled, "Did no one test this?

People need each other. Our well-being is tightly tethered to the well-being of people we do not know, most of whom look nothing like ourselves. Happiness, I realized right there in breathing class, requires engagement.

Thomas E has already told me that he had to write a tweet for English and that his teacher liked his rough draft. Alley's