Quotes from P.G. Wodehouse

At present, he's got the idea that I'm a kind of ... Who was the chap who was such a devil with the other sex? ... Donald something. Donald Duck?' Don Juan. That's the fellow I mean

Just as you say, sir. There is a letter on the tray, sir." "By Jove, Jeeves, that was practically poetry. Rhymed, did you notice?

It just showed once again that half the world doesn't know how the other three quarters live

Then heaven bless it, and may it continue to bind indefinitely. Fate's happenstance may oft win more than toil, as the fellow said.

If you don't want me to attend the patient I'll go.' 'But she can't see a doctor now.' 'Why not?' 'She isn't well.

it's always just when a chappie is feeling particularly top-hole

And now into the space of a few hours he had crammed enough variegated lunacy to equip all the March Hares in England and leave some over for the Mad Hatters.

I thought it was fine.' 'How sympathetic you are!' cooed George, glutinously, edging a little closer. 'Do you know--' 'Shall

As a rule, from what I've observed, the American captain of industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a captain of industry again.

It was foolish of her to have expected such a state of things to last, for what is life but a series of sharp corners, round each of which Fate lies in wait for us

Her eye was aflame, and she spoke like Cleopatra telling an Ethiopian slave where he got off.

The Rocky Mountains, that traditional stamping-ground for the heartbroken, may be well enough in their way; but a lover has to be cast in a pretty stem mould to be able to be introspective when at any moment he may meet an annoyed cinnamon bear.

if you're absolutely off your rocker, but don't find it convenient to be scooped into the luny-bin, you simply explain that, when you said you were a teapot, it was just your Artistic Temperament, and they apologise and go away.

Which one, darling?' 'The one with a face like a fish.' 'But they all have faces like fish, darling.' The child seemed to see the justice of this objection. He became more definite. 'The ugly one!

In a picturesque little châlet high up in the mountains, covered with snow and edelweiss (which is a flower that grows in the Alps, and you are not allowed to pick it)

In the presence of the Unusual, Mr. Wooster is too prone to smile weakly and allow his eyes to protrude. He lacks Presence. I have often wished that I had the power to bestow upon him some of the savoir-faire of a former employer of mine, Mr. Montague-Todd, the well-known financier, now in the second year of his sentence.

the world is full of slackers who only turn out when the weather suits them.

It was a half-grown puppy with long legs and a long tail, belonging to no one species, but generously distributing itself among about six.

A man, I felt, who could stay indoors cataloguing vases while his fiancée wandered in the moonlight with explorers deserved all that was coming to him.

of the afternoon Mr. Fitz-Wattle----

If girls realized their responsibilities they would be so careful when they smiled that they would probably abandon the practice altogether. There are moments in a man's life when a girl's smile can have as important results as an explosion of dynamite.

Constitutionally the laziest young devil in America, he had hit on a walk in life which enabled him to go the limit in that direction. He was a poet.

There was nothing of the flaneur about the Bowery boy.

It was perfectly amazing, the way her mere presence seemed to wipe speech from my lips—and mine, for that matter, from hers. It began to look as if our married life together would be rather like twenty years among the Trappist monks.