Quotes from P.G. Wodehouse

These dreamer types do live, don't they?

Am taking legal advice to ascertain whether strangling an idiot nephew counts as murder. If it doesn't look out for yourself.

I shoved on a dressing-gown, and flew downstairs like a mighty, rushing wind.

Remember what the poet Shakespeare said, Jeeves? 'Exit hurriedly, pursued by a bear.' You'll find it in one of his plays.

We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. Nothing further Jeeves, I said with quiet dignity.

No, I am quite content with you, Bertie. By the way, I do dislike that name Bertie. I think I shall call you Harold. Yes, I am perfectly satisfied with you. You have many faults, of course. I shall be pointing some of them out when I am at leisure.

I really preferred to walk. I have only just landed in England from New York, and it's quite a treat to walk on an English country road again.

there was practically one handwriting common to the whole school when it came to writing lines. It resembled the movements of a fly that had fallen into an ink-pot, and subsequently taken a little brisk exercise on a sheet of foolscap by way of restoring the circulation.

A lesser moustache, under the impact of that quick, agonised expulsion of breath, would have worked loose at the roots.

Honoria, you see, is one of those robust, dynamic girls with the muscles of a welter-weight and a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge. A beastly thing to have to face over the breakfast table. Brainy, moreover. The sort of girl who reduces you to pulp with sixteen sets of tennis and a few rounds of golf and then comes down to dinner as fresh as a daisy, expecting you to take an intelligent interest in Freud.

There is a fog, sir. If you will recollect, we are now in Autumn – season of mists and mellow fruitfulness.

Luck is a goddess not to be coerced and forcibly wooed by those who seek her favours. From such masterful spirits she turns away. But it happens sometimes that, if we put our hand in hers with the humble trust of a little child, she will have pity on us, and not fail us in our hour of need.

The storm is over, there is sunlight in my heart. I have a glass of wine and sit thinking of what has passed.

Angela nearly got inhaled by a shark while aquaplaning.

She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.

Liz, said Mr. Cootes, lost in admiration, when it comes to doping out a scheme, you're the snake's eyebrows!

He picked up one of the dead bats and covered it with his handkerchief. 'Somebody's mother,' he murmured reverently.

The true philosopher is a man who says All right, and goes to sleep in his armchair.

Just another proof, of course, of what I often say - it takes all sorts to make a world.

the ice was not only broken; it was shivered into a million fragments

you ever have that feeling when you step down onto a footstep that isn't there?

In his normal state he would not strike a lamb. I've known him to do it' 'Do what?' 'Not strike lambs

Suiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?' 'Oh, rather!' 'What do you do about it?' 'I generally take a couple of cocktails.

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.