Quotes from Jennifer Niven

Worthless. Stupid. These are the words I grew up hearing. They're the words I try to outrun, because if I let them in, they might stay there and grow and fill me up and in, until the only thing left of me is worthless stupid worthless stupid worthless stupid freak. And then there's nothing to do but run harder and fill myself with other words: This time will be different. This time, I will stay awake.

I try not feel jealous of the fact that he's been checking in with them but not me. After all, they're his family. I'm only me, the most important person in his life, for a while at least.

Jealousy is a mean, unpleasant feeling that only eats you from inside

What a terrible feeling to love someone and not be able to help them.

You're probably better at math than I am, because pretty much everyone's better at math than I am, but it's okay, I'm fine with it. See, I excel at other, more important things—guitar, sex, and consistently disappointing my dad, to name a few. By the way, it's apparently true that you'll never use it in the real world. Math, I mean.

He throws his arms out over his head, fists clenched, and shouts: 'Open your eyes and look at me! I'm right bloody here!' He shouts all the things he hates and wants to change until his voice is hoarse. Then he nods over at me. 'Your turn.

The fact is, I was sick, but not in an easily explained flu kind of way. It's my experience that people are a lot more sympathetic if they can see you hurting, and for the millionth time in my life I wish for measles or smallpox or some other recognizable disease just to make it simple for me and also for them.

The thing I don't say is: I want to stay alive. The reason I don't say it is because, given that fat folder in front of him, he'd never believe it. And here's something else he'd never believe--I'm fighting to be here in this shitty, messed-up world. Standing on the ledge of the bell tower isn't about dying. It's about having control.

It's so lovely to be lovely in Private.

None of us knows how long we have, maybe another month, maybe another fifty years _ I like living as if I only have that two days.

I count all the way to sixty, a stupid smile plastered on my stupid face. I will not get detention. I will not get expelled. I will be good. I will be quiet. I will be still.

Your mountain is waiting. So Ã¢â'¬Â¦ get on your way!

May your eye go to the Sun To the wind your soul You are all the colours in one, at full brightness.

I am crying-loud and hiccuping, as if I've been holding my breath for a very long time and finally, finally can breathe. You make me lovely, and it's so lovely to be lovely to the one I love...

No." Bren is shaking her head so hard and fast, it looks as if she's having a seizure. "You don't dress to please a girl-- especially not a girl like that. You dress to please yourself. If she doesn't like you for you, then you don't need her.

I take a good long look at her. I know life well enough to know you can't count on things staying around or standing still, no matter how much you want them to. You can't stop people from dying. You can't stop them from going away. You can't stop yourself from going away either. I know myself well enough to know that no one else can keep you awake or keep you from sleeping. That's all on me too. But man, I like this girl.

Because it always ends the same, right? You have a good time and they have a good time and everyone's having fun, and then once the chase is over, suddenly they start chasing after someone else like you never existed. Besides, I like being me too much.

And sorry wastes time. You have to live your life like you'll never be sorry. It's easier just to do the right thing from the start so there's nothing to apologize for.

He doesn't stop me as I walk away, and it's now and only now that I can think about what it is I'm feeling. Afraid, for one. Afraid. Afraid. Afraid. Unsettled. Mad at myself for starting to open up to this person I barely know. Mad at him for making me think I could open up. Stupid for believing I was different and he was different and this was different in any way.

We can't always see what others don't want us to. Especially when they go to great lengths to hide it.

I'm sorry about Finch. He was a good, screwed up kid who should have had more help." "I feel responsible.

I don't want to hear this. Whatever this is. I want to forget I've heard any of it. I want to reach inside my ears and grab the words and fling them at her.

Cheeky wanker." He calls me this even though I'm no longer British.

You were up on the ledge because you didn't know where else to turn and what else to do. You'd lost all hope.