Quotes from Sholom Aleichem

I'm only human. A house without a woman is no house …' It did as much good as last winter's snow, of course.

My father had a good reputation. Not that anyone ever thought of it when he was alive.

In short, I began getting offers from all over the world: from Kamenets, and from Yelisavet, and from Gomel, and from Lubin, and all the way from Mogilev, and from Berdichev, and Kaminka, and even Brody.

Your mother would say about them: "If God wills it, even a broomstick can shoot like a gun.

And you sit in Yehupetz without a word! There's no excuse. If you're dead, the least you could do is let me know, and if you're alive, all the more reason to write.

Once, matches were made behind a child's back; you came home from shaking hands with your in-laws, you wished the bride or groom a mazel tov, and that was that.

All you men are the same—you're not fit to fasten your wives' apron strings.

Who was he talking to? Me? No one ever said "please" to me. I looked around. There was no one else in the room. Old Luria growled again in a deep voice: "Please come and have a look at the Rambam.

I shook so hard from fear that the couch moved from the wall.

Second, may all the bad dreams I dreamed last night, and the night before that, and every night of the year before that, come true for my enemies

We were brought hot, delicious coffee and fresh butter rolls. Have you ever eaten sugared egg cookies? That's how good those rolls were. Maybe better. And the coffee! I can't begin to describe it. A taste of Paradise!

Not everyone would do for a husband what I've done. All that fancy living has gone to his lordship's head.

What do I care if the weather is sunny When I'm all out of luck and all out of money

My mother spoke about being a widow with two sons, one swimming in chicken fat and the other the poor little fellow sitting next to her.

I should have listened to my mother when she said, "Never throw your luck out with the dish-water …

It's an old Jewish custom to pick up and go elsewhere at the first mention of a pogrom.

All the bakers had banded together. They said he had to take back the workers he had fired and meet all three of their demands: (1) A ruble raise; (2) Sleeping-at-home rights; (3) No more knocking out teeth. It

His funeral procession, said to have been the largest in New York City's history, included more than one hundred thousand participants. Most were devoted readers.

And what's more fun than a market full of melons? Wherever you look, there's a honeydew or a watermelon

If I were the Tsar I'd eat nothing but bread and watermelon all year round. I don't even mind the seeds. Give your melon a shake and they fall right out and you can eat all you want. Boy oh boy!

There's never been, she says, a wedding like it. The pastries, the roasts, the tortes, the honey cakes, the strudels, the breads, the jams and the jellies—all for her wedding! Now the wedding is over and Brokheh owns a fur stole and a noodle sieve.

When the chicken fat runs out, all that's left is an empty hole.

To make a long story short, he went round and round—it helped like cupping helps a corpse.

To my dear, learned, & illustrious husband Menakhem-Mendl, may your light shine!