Quotes from Lemony Snicket

How did you do that?" Mr. Poe asked. "Nice girls shouldn't know how to do such things." "My sister is a nice girl," Klaus said, "and she knows how to do all sorts of things.

One of the most troublesome things in life is that what you do or do not want has very little to do with what does or does not happen.

but it's far too late for us; ring, hair, letters, photographs--all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram...

All these things are miracles. It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do.

It is true, of course, that there is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time. You might know someone for several years, for instance, and trust him completely as your friend, but circumstances could change and he could become very hungry, and before you knew it you could be boiling in a soup pot, because there is no way of knowing for sure.

But the law is an odd thing. For instance, one country in Europe has a law that requires all its bakers to sell bread at the exact same price. A certain island has a law that forbids anyone from removing its fruit. And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders.

All his life, Klaus had believed that if you read enough books, you could solve any problem, but now he wasn't so sure.

I will love you as we grow older, which has just happened, and has happened again, and happened several days ago, continuously, and then several years before than, and will continue to happen as the spinning hands of every clock and the flipping pages of every calendar marks the passage of time, except for the clocks that people have forgotten to wind and the calendars that people have forgotten to place in a highly visible area.

For Beatrice- When we were together I felt breathless. Now you are.

The last safe place is safe no more.

Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview.

This is an absurd moral, for you and I both know that sometimes not only is it good to lie, it is necessary to lie.

An apocryphal story - the word "apocryphal" here means "obviously untrue" - tells of two people, long ago, who were very bored, and that instead of complaining about it they sat up all night and invented the game of chess so that everyone else in the world, on evenings when there is nothing to do, can also be bored by the perplexing and tedious game they invented.

The expression 'Those who can't do, teach' is a curious one, because if you look at the world , you'll see that teachers aren't particularly worse at doing things than anyone else, so perhaps the expression might be better worded as 'nobody can do anything

But the sad truth is that the truth is sad, and that what you want does not matter. A series of unfortunate events can happen to anyone, no matter what they want.

You're just jealous of me because I'm a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!

Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.

It is very difficult to make one's way in this world without being wicked at one time or another, when the world's way is so wicked to being with.

The quoting of an aphorism, like the angry barking of a dog or the smell of overcooked broccoli, rarely indicates that something helpful is about to happen.

In times of extreme stress, one can often find energy hidden in even the most exhausted areas of the body.

Olaf: Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else

It takes years for the land to recuperate from a fire, but even in the darkest of ashes eventually something can grow.

It is remarkable that different people will have different thoughts when they look at the same thing.

It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier.