Quotes from Lemony Snicket

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all.

But one type of book that practically no one likes to read is a book about the law. Books about the law are notorious for being very long, very dull, and very difficult to read. This is one reason many lawyers make heaps of money. The money is an incentive - the word "incentive" here means "an offered reward to persuade you to do something you don't want to do - to read long, dull, and difficult books.

Sometimes when someone tells a ridiculous lie, it is best to ignore it entirely.

I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept, probably because I have been reading almost the entire time.

Sooner or later, everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two...The solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life.

Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.

Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection.

Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake.

Miracles can happen, even to those who are small, flammable, and dressed all in black.

It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season - like all the other seasons - is a good time not only to tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them, and that's the end of this particular story.

Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.

What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet. You can wash it, and wash it, and still never forget what has transpired - a word which here means 'happened, and made everybody sad'.

They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind.

For Beatrice--My love for you shall live forever. You, however, did not.

Grinning is something you do when you are entertained in some way, such as reading a good book or watching someone you don't care for spill orange soda all over themselves.

It is often difficult to admit that someone you love is not perfect, or to consider aspects of a person that are less than admirable.

How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?

Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences.

It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try to readjust the way you thought of things. The Baudelaire orphans were crying not only for their Uncle Monty, but for their own parents, and this dark and curious feeling of falling that accompanies every great loss.

Right, good temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so.

You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sheriff.