Quotes from Gene Perret

On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.

It's time to diet and exercise when you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - but not while you're wearing a bathing suit.

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.

In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball.

Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever.

I went to school with a kid who was so smart, the only time he got an answer wrong, they had to go back and change the question.

My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache . . . unless you play golf.

They say that computers can't think, but I have one that does. It thinks it's broken.

I don't intentionally spoil my grandkids. It's just that correcting them often takes more energy than I have left.

On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.

Leisure: A fancy word for people who don't want to admit they're bored.

My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.

Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say, "Hi, Honey, I'm home — forever."

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age — once you learn to keep a cork in it.

Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet.

Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.

Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day.

I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.

When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It's called love.