Quotes from Richard Kadrey

The five of us are the big brains supposedly in charge of Hell. Really, we're a bunch of second-rate mechanics trying to keep the wheels from coming off a burning gasoline truck skidding toward a school bus full of orphans and kittens.

Kasabian is still shrieking like a banshee, which is pretty good for a guy with no lungs.

I prefer Abomination. It fits better on a T-shirt. I'd comp you one, but we don't have any big enough for your ego.

I got my ass kicked by some third-rate spooks and now my nice kitchen looks like a drunk brontosaurus tried to fuck the dishwasher.

Lions or tigers. They must be off somewhere waiting for the right moment to pounce. I like cats and don't want to hurt one, but I will beat a lion to death with a shark if it tries to take a bite out of me.

THERE'S ONLY ONE problem with L.A. It exists. L.A. is what happens when a bunch of Lovecraftian elder gods and porn starlets spend a weekend locked up in the Chateau Marmont snorting lines of crank off Jim Morrison's bones.

So far, being dead is about as much fun as a barbed-wire G-string. Yes, there is such a thing. They invented it in Hell, which is where I am. I already said I was dead. Where else would I be? Try to keep up.

That's how you know someone likes you. Anyone can give you chocolate and flowers, but when they'll disembowel someone for you? That's true love.

The winners are the schemers and the ruthless who take what they want, not the suckers standing around hoping for an even break.

Proximity to normalcy is a nice turn of phrase; you ought do a needlepoint, frame it and shove it straight up your ass. Keep it there with the rest of your wisdom.

This might be the end of the world as we know it, but it's still show biz.

He hands me a cup full of the black stuff. I hold it up and say, "To freaks everywhere." Vidocq holds up his mug. "May you fly, walk, swim, or crawl for all eternity under the noses of our betters.

Carlos comes back with our drinks. "What should we drink to?" "To love," says Brigitte. "To the few loyal customers I have left," says Carlos. I have to think for a minute. "To the dead. Let's think of them always, but not join them too soon." Everyone in the bar drinks to that.

Kasabian's head is still under the bed. I pull it out and set it on his chest, then grab his body by the ankles and drag him into the Cube. I straighten the arms and legs, set Kas's head back on its shoulders, and generally try to make him look more like a respectable human being and less like a big pile of loser jerky.

SOCIETY IS A CARNIVOROUS FLOWER

Whoever said Hell is other people was wrong. Hell is other people in your house .

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. —WILLIAM CLAYTON

What happened to your face?" she says idly. "Which time?" "The new one." "I got shot.

What I do know is that a famous dead guy once said, "Life is a bucket of shit with a barbed-wire handle.

Then you better tell whoever is Lucifer, because I'm living in his palace, wearing his clothes, and peeing in his shower.

She kisses me on the cheek and runs back into Donut Universe. People in line glare at me, wondering why I rate special treatment. I saved your lives, assholes. Let me have a fucking donut. C

Merry-go-rounds are a shared lie of childhood. Cruelty masked as fun. Tedium cloaked as adventure. A great spinning vessel of torment getting the tykes ready for the damnation most of them will richly deserve, all because their minds were permanently twisted by this parade of pony horrors.

It's part of why I came to Los Angeles. My real work. I kill the dead.

That's it? That's all you're going to say?" "What else do you want?" "You usually have some smartass comeback." "I'm too tired for that shit right now. Aren't you?" "Most definitely.