Quotes from Lori Gottlieb

Welcome to Holland." Written by Emily Perl Kingsley,

We can't convince people not to be self-destructive, because for now, the self-destruction serves them. What we can do is try to help them understand themselves better and show them how to ask themselves the right questions until something happens—either internally or externally—that leads them to do their own persuading.

Julie started to see that we're all in Holland, because most people don't have lives that go exactly as planned.

You won't get today back. And the days were flying by.

You seem like you're enjoying the experience of suffering, so I thought I'd help you out with that." "What?" "There's a difference between pain and suffering," Wendell says. "You're going to have to feel pain - everyone feels pain at times - but you don't have to suffer so much. You're not choosing the pain, but you're choosing the suffering."p62

the upside of being a therapist's child is that nothing gets shoved under the rug; the downside

Suffering shouldn't be ranked, because pain is not a contest. Spouses often forget this, upping the ante on their suffering—I had the kids all day. My job is more demanding than yours. I'm lonelier than you are. Whose pain wins—or loses? But pain is pain.

Do they consider what they're saying to be the only version of the story—the "accurate" version—or do they know that theirs is just one of many ways to tell it?

I want to capture the process in which humans, struggling to evolve, push against their shells until they quietly (but sometimes loudly) and slowly (but sometimes suddenly) crack open.

we're all time-traveling into the future and at exactly the same rate: sixty minutes per hour.

The cardinal rules of good parenting—moderation, empathy, and temperamental accommodation with one's child—are simple and are not likely to be improved upon by the latest scientific findings.

a good number may have had momentary awakenings, done a little soul-searching, added more to their lists—and then neglected to tick things off. People tend to dream without doing, death remaining theoretical.

The hiccup at this stage is that change involves the loss of the old and the anxiety of the new. Although often maddening for friends and partners to witness, this hamster wheel is part of the process; people need to do the same thing over and over a seemingly ridiculous number of times before they're ready to change.

The more you welcome your vulnerability," Wendell had said, "the less afraid you'll feel.

It turns out that most of us aren't aware of how we actually spend our time or what we really do all day until we break it down hour by hour and say it out loud.

and I'm not sure if it's all of your annoying questions or the sadistic silences you put me through—but I feel like you get me, you know? And I don't want your head to get too big or anything, but I thought, you have a more complete picture of my total humanity than anyone else in my life.

I once thought about becoming a beekeeper," Charlotte says, breaking the silence, and this is less surprising to me than her sudden wish to leave. She finds terrifying situations thrilling—bungee jumping, skydiving, swimming with sharks.

I've been watching his future unfold while I stay frozen in the past. But if I live in the present, I'll have to accept the loss of my future.

It's no coincidence that people who had angry parents often end up choosing angry partners, that those with alcoholic parents are frequently drawn to partners who drink quite a bit, or that those who had withdrawn or critical parents find themselves married to spouses who are withdrawn or critical.

What most people mean by type is a sense of attraction - a type of physical appearance or a type of personality turns them on. But what underlies a person's type, in fact, is a sense of familiarity.

Projective identification is like tossing a hot potato to the other person. The man no longer has to feel his anger, since it's now living inside his partner.

Say what you will about the wonders of technology, but screen-to-screen is, as a colleague once said, "like doing therapy with a condom on.

Robert Frost poem: "The only way out is through.

ultracrepidarianism, which means "the habit of giving opinions and advice on matters outside of one's knowledge or competence.