Quotes from Robert W. Firestone

They may alternate between an extremely dependent posture on one hand, and an authoritarian stance when they are in the parental mode.

Fantasies act to "nourish" the ego in the form of a partial gratification and thus can contribute to psychological equilibrium when security or satisfaction from the real environment is lacking.

Thus, deprivation of love and care in interpersonal relations results in anxiety states which disturb the psychological equilibrium and this tension may be relieved by the process of fantasy. The primary fantasy, therefore, is the "self-mothering" process or the incorporation of the maternal image within the self as a "nourishing" and controlling agent. It

If their solution breaks down because of external interference in the autistic processes, they experience considerable anxiety and their aggression is mobilized to defend their system. This reaction substantiates the importance of the fantasy process in psychosis, a process which acts to reduce anxiety and maintain the psychological equilibrium (homeostasis). An

Bateson (1972) describes the prepsychotic child as growing up "unskilled in determining what people really mean and unskilled in expressing what he really means, which is essential for normal relationships." He suggests that this situation occurs in normal relationships as well. When a person is caught in a double-bind situation, he will respond defensively in a manner similar to the schizophrenic, though less intensely.

To people who were not seen or were misunderstood as children, the experience of being seen as a person can be very moving, tantamount to a spiritual experience.

In our opinion, love is the one force that is capable of easing existential despair and the endemic pain of the human condition.

From my interaction with this man and my knowledge of Marilyn's childish manipulations, I knew that he had been provoked into accepting his wife's view of men and of himself as being angry and harsh. His boys were growing up to believe that because they were male, they, too, were mean and unfeeling.

This derisive aspect of the voice contributes to the empty feeling or the sensation of being let down that many people notice after they achieve an unusual success.

The primary fantasy bond is the core defense underlying our resistance to change. It is the major barrier to a full, rich existence.

It is both the intention and the capability (love-food) that is necessary to sustain a small person in growth toward maturity. Parental mistreatment, that is, the absence of parental love, causes the child psychic pain. These traumatic episodes are later partially or totally repressed, but the scars of these early wounds play a significant part in the everyday life

When acted upon, hunger is a powerful emotion that is both exploitive and destructive to others. People mistakenly identify this desperate feeling with love and think of this primal longing as genuine affection.

Since every member of the family has to conform to the illusions of parental or family love, this process also demands that the child distort his or her sense of reality and of the self.

Early in their lives they learned to distrust positive verbal expressions and even physical affection, because more often than not these feelings covertly expressed their parents' need and desperation.

Experiencing the feeling of hunger that comes from unfulfilled emotional needs is bearable, albeit painful, for adults. Unfortunately, most individuals choose to deny or avoid this pain as they did when they were young. They seek every means to kill off their feeling of being rejected or alone. They resort to a fantasy bond, a powerful and effective painkiller, to relieve their fear of aloneness and lessen the ache of hunger.

The patient is encouraged to behave in constructive ways that directly challenge the voice. These actions help the patient to separate from the negative traits and qualities in the parents or family.

The psychotic patient has beliefs that require little information to confirm them and are indeed very difficult to refute logically. They are appropriate only in the sense that they once did apply to the parents' behavior. These misconceptions cause overdramatic and totally inappropriate responses to present-day circumstances and interfere with an individual's ability to adapt. In

She acknowledged, for the first time in her life, the seriousness of her state and was determined to live rather than to act out her retreat from life. Beneath her character armor she had preserved a sense of integrity and honest feelings. Once she stopped withholding her thoughts and feelings, she was free to express her natural interest in life and in other people and became a significant contributor to the group.

HUNGER AND THE MYTH OF FAMILY LOVE

It is a major thesis of this book that the fantasy bond in the traditional family causes a tremendous amount of innocent, unnecessary suffering. Denying primitive hunger and pain and pretending connections that, in fact, do not exist, lead to fundamental distortions of each person's sense of reality. It is a great burden on everyone to play this game of "let's pretend.

They generally mistake emotional hunger for love. In effect, they hate us in practice and love us in theory and induce us to believe them when they define their hate as love. The consequent mystification, confusion and conflict continue to devastate marriages, families, and each generation of children.

They feel the sensation of their deep hunger and need in the pit of their stomachs—the feeling of hunger really does exist.

As a result of the manipulations and distortions designed to protect the fantasy of her love, both children had been severely damaged in their capacity to feel or even think.

Her burning emotion was not love or anything resembling it because it had fractured her children's ability to live and experience their lives. It had restricted them and led them to close off their feelings. It undermined their confidence and sense of personal worth.