Quotes About Author

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

Why do people always expect authors to answer questions? I am an author because I want to ask questions. If I had answers, I'd be a politician.

As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.

North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

By way of personal instinct, I have an inherent distaste for grandiose rhetorical statements, which don't have any substantive dimension to them

A good since of humor and someone who is loyal and cute-I like cute girls

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?

Jesus!" Luke exclaimed. "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.

Humor is one of the elements of genius--admirable as an adjunct; but as soon as it becomes dominant, only a surrogate for genius.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

I am a candid interview and I have a dark and dry sense of humor - a very Canadian sense of humor.

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.

I've never said flange to a monkey!

I'm an elephant today. I will need to have lots of room and also a bowl of water on the floor.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.