Quotes About Life

Why go for something cold and dead, when you can have something hot and panting?

I just looked at the calendar and realized- my days are numbered

At weddings old people poke me and say, "you're next, " so I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

I'm forty-two, " he said. "That's eighty-four in musician years.

I'm not bipolar, I've just had a bipolar life foisted upon me.

The saddest realization I've had in my life is that my parents are people. Sad, human people. I aged a decade in that moment.

Of course, to be fair, that was a parent's job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn't put a few twists in you, you wouldn't stand a chance of fitting in.

My main regret in life is that there is no MacArthur Fellowship awarded in the field of Panda Satire.

Water is the most essential element in life, because without it you can't make coffee.

(I didn't tell him that thediagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You're a woman. Now die.)

Majid gave me a brief dazzling golden stare and then half-lidded his eyes again. I know when my life is being threatened.

A generous donor (who had no doubt lived a life that imperiled his mortal soul) had granted [the Sisters] more than one hundred waterfront acres.

Comedy Born :) When Tragedy Happens :(

This existenitalist stuff sure is crap

Is your dog in a coma?" Quinn asked when the dog didn't move a muscle."No. Lump leads an active and demanding internal life that requires long periods of rest.

if you can't make a joke at a time like this, what's the point of living?

...the only thing that could justify your continuing existence on the planet would be if you started breathing carbon dioxide and exhaling oxygen.

What life is to humor, humor is to life.

Two puzzles that cannot be solved:The miracle of birth and misery of death.

Water IS the most important element on the face of the earth, because without water, there would be no WINE and without WINE I would be living in a PADDED CELL!

Life is sweet absurdity, Sir Wizard. Laugh your way through it.

Always have a sense of humor about life - you'll need it - but always be courteous to boot.

Jerry [Garcia] got high and Jerry's dead. I went hunting and I'm still Ted.

I used to have a pony but I outgrew it and I do dream that one day I will live in the country and have lots of horses and be like a proper English lady who goes hunting and everything.