Quotes About Life

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello, goodbye, and I'm pregnant.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.

All diseases run into one, old age.

First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.

How young can you die of old age?

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.

Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five.

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to be leglislation against it.

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.

The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.