Quotes About Parenting

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

Here's a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.

Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect.

I have three kids, one of each.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids.

Never buy your kid a Puzzle that you can't solve!

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

Children in the abstract, had never appealed to me. They seemed to be loud creatures, often dripping some form of goo.

Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.

Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear.

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.