Quotes About Parenting

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

I've got daughters. Nine years old and six years old. First of all, I'm gonna teach them about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them PUNISHED with a baby.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows

Only in Xanth would parents see a dragon looming over their children and depart with confidence.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree......unless that tree's growing on top of a hill.

You must feed them, Anne, else they eat their toys.

Pamela produced placid babies. "They don't tend to turn feral until they're two, " she said.

Cheeky. Carry them for nine months, feed them, clothe them, and what do I get? Impertinence.

In the first years of our lives we learn how to shit, talk, walk, sleep, eat and, most importantly, how to royally piss off our parents.

I'm half good and I'm half bad. My mama is a very good girl and my daddy is a very bad boy. And I guess that leaves me somewhere sort of...here.

You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

If your kids are the generation Y there are only two things you parents are worried about..What your daughters are uploading on the internet and what your sons are downloading from the internet

If you raise a daughter to be both independent and an excellent marksman, you have to accept the fact that your control over her actions is at an end.

He was afraid to pick up the baby. If he touched it, it might bond with him or something. Or he might leave fingerprints all over it.

My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, "Not as scary as the boogie woman.

When men and women produce a baby together for the first time, it's an absolute festival of mutual incompetence.From The Wife Drought

Of course, to be fair, that was a parent's job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn't put a few twists in you, you wouldn't stand a chance of fitting in.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a a note on it saying, toys not included.

What's my favorite part that I've written? That's like asking me to choose which of my kids is least ugly!

Xavier, you have given me more grey hairs than all my sons put together.' Saul frowned, then corrected himself. 'To be fair, you and Zed. Just try not to add to them tonight.

Are you sure you weren't adopted?""Mom would like to think so, but it was a natural birth, so her memory's real clear.

Both of my kids have my sense of humor - they're definitely entertaining.

I decline to go fox hunting (nor did she want her sons William and Harry to be involved in hunting).

Whether it was hunting, fishing, or playing sports, my children were going to grow up outside. They weren't going to be sitting on the couch inside. At least they didn't grow up to be nerds.