Quotes About Parenting

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby's room should be in Peru.

I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.

Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby".

My kids are funny. They won't eat the heels on a loaf of bread. So I patiently explained to them that they eat rolls, and rolls are all crust, just like heels...and now they won't eat rolls!

When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move... I'm locking the door now.'

My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.

Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once.

Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed ... into my mouth.

TLC should stand for Toddlers, Lunatics, and Cake.

Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have some really funny lines.

How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?

You'd be surprised." Charlie said."You go to bed one night singing her a lullaby, and she wakes up listening to Limp Bizkit.""What the hell is Limp Bizkit?

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt.

More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.

Mama!' Rosie tugged on my shirt. 'This broccoli is tasty and wonderful'.