Quotes About Parenting

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello, goodbye, and I'm pregnant.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

When ever I get a headache I take two tablet of aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.

When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.

Everywhere in the world, men place all or most of the burden of raising children and maintaining the home on women, but pretend that this burden is not work; they do not reward it as work or count it as work in global accounting, in either developing.

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

A Women who can cope with the terrible twos can cope with anything.