Quotes About Family

So you wanna hear a joke, its not funny so you wont laugh, so there are three tomatoes walking down the street mamma tomato pappa tomato and baby tomato, so baby tomato starts lagging behind and pappa tomato gets mad and goes back and squashes baby tomato and says ketchup.

Mother's words of wisdom: "Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!"

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'

Eat - well is drink - well's brother

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred

You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose

The best way to achieve freedom from your parents is to gain their trust by proving that you can take very good care of yourself in their absence.

Temperament lies behind mood; behind will, lies the fate of character. Then behind both, the influence of family the tyranny of culture; and finally the power of climate and environment; and we are free, only to the extent we rise above these.

When I was a boy, my mom wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead. Happy Mother's Day!

Having one child makes you a parent; having two youare referee

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was handsome I would have exactly one dollar...Thanks mom!!!!

They say you shouldn't lie to your doctor. But admit it, if they ask if you've ever had sex, and your mom is right there, you're gonna say no.

By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn't believe me.

Having a holiday weekend without a family member felt like putting on a sweater that had an extra arm.

I am an only child. I have one sister.

I now know how uncomfortable most parents have it when they're having the sex talk with their children.

'True Life: I Have A Hot Mom' is easily my favorite True Life.

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.

I finally moved out of my parents' house. It was only fair to let my sister have her own room.

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!

Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!