Quotes About Family

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.

I like all my children, even the squat and ugly ones.

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow. we called her Melony.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."