Quotes About Family

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect.

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

I have three kids, one of each.

Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.

Children are often the silent victims of drug abuse.

Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker.

She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

My wife's gotten really lazy, or as she calls it, 'pregnant.'

I come from a very big family. Nine parents.

My father was very funny, so I grew up with humor in the house. And I was always really attracted to comedies on TV. I was always really attracted to comics.

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids.

My father was a small claims court jester.

Never buy your kid a Puzzle that you can't solve!

This I know for a fact: the reason African women have children is so that there's someone else to do the housework.

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.